Saturday, July 14, 2012

The Moment of Truth

I got eliminated from the biggest loser challenge I was in. There. I said it.

It was a community 5 month challenge that began May 1st. The only way to get eliminated was if you gained weight. Also, if you didn't weigh in, you'd be disqualified. I made it through the first month with a measly 2lb loss. Then we come to July 1st. I weighed in. 1lb...up.1lb! I got eliminated because of 1lb? One. Measly. Pound. It wasn't like it was a surprise. I knew I was up. I was actually surprised it wasn't more than that. I wasn't working out. I was eating crap. I wasn't really trying. So, I gained weight. I got eliminated.

Am I sad? Angry? To be honest...not really! Slightly disappointed because it was 1lb. Maybe I would feel a bit better had it been more like five. I actually feel relief. Throughout the whole last month I really thought about what was going on. I feel like because I wasn't "allowed" to gain weight...I did. When I'm feeling a restriction is placed on me, I'm more likely to resist back and be like "Oh yeah? Well I'll show you!" It's just not in the positive direction it should be. Can someone please tell me I'm not allowed to lose weight??

I think also I know that my maternity leave is almost up and my back to work date is getting closer. I'm starting to stress out about that a little A LOT and I have in my mind that maybe I shouldn't even bother trying to "lose weight" until I'm back to work and we have out routine all in place and everything is a little more settled. Instead of getting into a routine now and then trying to alter it then. Am I just making an excuse?

I've been tossing around some ideas in my mind lately about my whole weight loss journey. I believe that it's 80% mental and 20% physical. I 100% believe that is true. And believe me, if my mind isn't in the right place, it just ain't happenin'! So, I've made a decision. My decision is this: to implement a new game plan where my mission is changed. My mission is no longer to "lose weight". I mean, when you lose something, you're almost always going to find it, right? Well I don't want to find that weight (both mental and physical). So in order to do that, my mission is now to get fit and healthy. When someone asks me if I'm trying to lose weight. Nope. I'm getting fit and working towards being the healthiest I can be for the rest of my life. I'm no longer going to focus on the number on the scale. I'm focusing on my body and my mind. I don't want my goal to be a number.We were catching up on Mad Men and in season 5 Betty has been struggling with her weight and going to Weight Watchers. There was a scene in episode 9 where she was at a meeting and the leader said something that rang so true to me. It was definitely an "a ha" moment.

We always talk about our goal in pounds, but that's not all it is. Is it?


I have so many goals that I want to achieve, but the main one I talk about is always pounds! But that's not what it's about! It's about feeling great. It's about feeling and being strong! It's about getting out my road bike again (my love) and completing the Skeena River Challenge. It's about being able to have a non high risk pregnancy. It's about being able to go shopping for clothes and not have to worry if they carry plus sizes! It's about having less strain on my back. It's about being able to set an example for my daughter and leading a long, healthy life so that I can be around for her.

So how will I achieve my goals? 

I am no longer putting restrictions on foods. My relationship with food has been strained for so long. For years it's been ingrained into our minds that there are good foods and bad foods. Eat this - Not that. This is why we so often fail. When you're told not to do something...that darn little devil is put into play and sits there on your shoulder saying, " know you wanna!" And so the food battle begins continues.So I'm setting out to try a different approach. EAT! That doesn't mean that I'm only eating junk food. I will eat the foods that provide my body with the highest performance fuel. And if I want to eat cake, you better believe I'm going to eat cake.

I'm going to move. I'm going to sweat. I'm going to get strong.

I'm not putting any deadlines on any of this. For so long I've set out on my weight loss journey saying, "Okay. I'm going to lose 60lbs by such and such date." How has that helped me? Sure they say you have to have measurable goals and they should have a time frame. That this helps you to get there. I'm not trying to get there, to one certain point. This is for life. My every day, rest of my life.

I'm not going to say all this starts "tomorrow", "Monday", "next week", "when I go back to work". It's already started. It started when I came into this world and took my first breath. My life. It's been up to me all along to live my best life because it's the only one we have. You better believe I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure of that!

I hope you do too.


  1. Nice post! I think I might jopin this tonight...

    1. Very interesting site! I like what she has to offer, for sure! Reading through the snipits from her book, I found them to be quite intriguing. I may just have to collect some of her chapters!